


Shut My Ears, and Shut Your Mouth! [Valki Week Day 1 Angst]

by Lazy Cat Corner (Gummyyummy156)



Series: Valki Week 2018 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, crying in the club angst, my poor babies deserve better, valkyrie summons an old friend to soothe her aches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 20:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15589758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gummyyummy156/pseuds/Lazy%20Cat%20Corner
Summary: Prompt: [taken from an Angst prompt post] “Get out of the way!” “Or what, you’ll kill me too? And then what? You’re going to still be pissed at the world, and alone.”Takes place post Infinity War. Alone, abandoning her people in Asgard and trapped in a drunken downward-spiral in a busy city, Valkyrie punishes herself by visiting an old ghost.





	Shut My Ears, and Shut Your Mouth! [Valki Week Day 1 Angst]

“Get out of the way!”

“Or what, you’ll kill me, too? And then what? You’re going to still be pissed at the world, and alone.”

“Shut up,” Valkyrie wipes the droplets of beer off her mouth and tosses her empty bottle against a wall. She doesn’t take a second glance when she hears it shatter. “You don’t get to talk,” she grumbles under her breath.

“As a matter of fact, I do and…” Loki trails off and clicks his tongue.

“And, what?” She lifts an eyebrow. 

“And I hope you’re pleased with yourself.” Loki wrinkles his nose at the sight of the lifeless body at Valkyrie’s feet. “Resorting to picking fights with scum in an alley. Something beneath what you’re meant to do.”

Valkyrie stops herself from laughing as she steps over the body and strides down the alley.

“Do you think that man had a family?” Loki follows behind Valkyrie, “Maybe someone will miss him.”

Valkyrie rolls her eyes. He sounds like some pestering child. She can feel the irritation gradually boiling up inside her.

“Since when do you care?” She shuts her eyes and prays that he will leave her soon. “Anyway, they won’t miss him. He was a piece of Black Order trash and got what he deserved.”

“So, it’s up to you to kill him?”

“Why do you keep talking?” She keeps her head facing forward, refusing to take another look at him.

“Because you asked me to,” Loki answers with a tone of confusion.

Valkyrie laughs, “I think I would recall asking for a prattling bird nagging on my shoulder.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

Valkyrie stops in her tracks and sharply turns around, glaring at his smug face.

“YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE AT ALL!” Valkyrie spits. Her throat closes in as she forces down the wave of hurt coursing through. A hot tear rolls down her eye. “Because you’re not him,” her voice sounding unusually meek. “He’s dead. Everyone is dead!” Valkyrie chokes out a sob.

Seidr was something she lacked as a Valkyrie. Her own captain thought it was a weakness to lack some form of magic in battle. No matter how hard she practiced, she could hardly turn on a light to save herself. It’s only when she needs it the least that anything happens.

She sniffs, “Leave it to my brain to bring up enough seidr to send out a projection. I don’t know what’s wrong with me! Apparently, I’m making up another dead lover to somehow soothe the back of my mind. It took forever for me to let go of Dalla and now here you are to take her place,” she lets out a brittle laugh. “But you’re worse, you know why?”

Loki keeps a flat expression and she continues. “Because he would never say the things you are saying. Loki was just- if not more- as fucked up as I am! He wasn’t Dalla! He would never be a moral compass to follow me around and give me false hope that I could have a bright and happy future with someone.” Valkyrie’s voice lowers and her eyes focus on the ground. “Where we could grow old and have children. Maybe train them to be warriors like us,” her lips twitch at that thought. “No,” she stops herself, “Loki was worse, but I guess I liked it. In a way, I felt more grounded with him around. Like-like I didn’t need to be anything perfect. We could trash up The Grandmaster’s bar and spend a whole night in the other’s bed knowing it didn’t have to mean anything.”

She fights the urge to scream. Her own confession feels like a burn of salt on an open wound. She hardly spent a lot of time with Loki and for some reason, losing him was just as bad as Dalla. She spent centuries with companions. Each giving her the same sort of satisfaction, but watching them walk away was never a challenge for her. Now, here she is living alone in a crowded city meant to tune out her thoughts, and instead, rationalizing with a mirage of him. As if their five minutes of pillow talk were something that made a dent in her life.

“Losing him must still be hard, though.” Loki’s voice startles her.  

Valkyrie peers up and frowns. It’s rare for projections to be this insightful. Maybe this is what she truly needs.

“When he left,” Valkyrie swallows, “I didn’t get a choice. We managed to save a lot of his people. We sent some out in The Grandmaster’s spare ship and more in escape pods. It was our turn. I thought we were all going to flee, but he lied to me.” Her chest clenches at the memory. “He said that Thor was right behind and ready to go. I opened the pod door and,” Valkyrie takes in a low breath, “he pushed me in and slammed it shut. By the time I could even reach to pry open the door, the pod took off. I couldn’t even be mad at him if I wanted to.

“The last thing I saw was his eyes begging for me  to forgive him.” She feels fresh tears dripping down her chin as she talks. “I tried to override the controls and go back, but he must have thought it through. I couldn’t get it to do anything until it landed.” Valkyrie wipes her nose, “Idiot!” She grits her teeth.

Valkyrie clenches her fists. “He could have just told me the truth. I probably would have left him just to avoid another mess with Asgard. But now I’m stuck on Earth; a backward planet and I’m left with even more guilt to grip on.”

Loki hums in thought. “Sounds like I was being selfishly impulsive as usual,” he deduces.

Valkyrie snickers between her sobs.

“That’s a nice way to put it.”

“Why do you feel guilty?”

Valkyrie knits her eyebrows. Is it stupid of her to continue?

“Maybe I could have helped,” she shrugs. “Maybe I wanted to help. I thought we were better than that.” She blurts out without thinking.

The air shifts to something lighter and less bleak. She imagines Loki smiling at her stupid sentiment. He would tease her for sounding so much like the lovesick kids they would play with on the ark.  

Which is why she wonders why this projection looks so flat. So unreadable and unlike him.

“Did you love me?” Loki mutters.  

It wasn’t something Valkyrie had to think long and hard about.

“He wasn’t my lover,” Valkyrie admits. “It probably wouldn’t have been anything more, but…” her voice trails away.

“You wanted it to be,” Loki finishes.

Valkyrie wipes her eyes dry. If she was talking to anyone other than herself, she wouldn’t have let herself sound so pathetic. That being said, what’s the harm in saying it out loud?  

“A little warmth wouldn’t have hurt me.” Her voice trembles.

The silence is a relief to Valkyrie. The last thing she needs is the Loki projection to start talking affectionately or replaying the last time they spoke.

“Brunnhilde.”

Valkyrie holds back a laugh at the sound of her own birth name. Loki would never dare. “What?” She says faintly.

“Everyone is not dead,” Loki says bluntly. “Korg, Thor, Bruce and the rest of Asgard. You know that they are all waiting for you. And you also know you’re only pushing them away. Pretending they’re gone so that there’s nothing left for you to miss.”

Valkyrie takes in a deep breath. Too tired to say anything.

“Maybe I will finally leave your head if you do,” he suggests.

“Hmm, maybe,” she considers.

“Dalla’s projection left once you came to Sakaar and the nightmares calmed down when you met me.”

Valkyrie waves her hand dismissively. “I can’t,” she exhales. “I can’t do it all over again.”

“Then don’t,” Loki says without a hint of humor. “Do something else. Anything else. As long as you’re doing something. That’s all you really need, anyway.”

“How are you so sure?”

Loki shrugs.

“Oh, now you’re all quiet.” She grumbles.

Loki lets out a low groan. “Just stop wasting your time with these lowlifes, already.” He gives a repulsed look at the corpse at the other end of the street. “You’re better than this. You were meant to be a guardian for Asgard royalty. Not a brooding do-gooder with a kill list. Promise me you’ll go back.” A pleading look in Loki’s eyes.  

Valkyrie studies Loki. Could she really lie to herself? A part of her wants to.

“Maybe I could check on Thor. See if he’s doing better than me.” She groans.

“I doubt he is,” Loki says with a tone of lightness. “Though, I know he would be relieved to see you.”

Valkyrie wants to roll her eyes. How did her mind manage to become a therapist?

“Wish you wouldn’t be so optimistic.”

Loki barks out a laugh, “You think I’m being optimistic?”

“For Loki, yes. You are very optimistic. At least try to sound more like him.”  

There’s a beat of silence before Loki speaks again.

“Brunnhilde.”

“There it is again,” Valkyrie holds out her hand and motions, “Talking like someone else. _Saying my name_ like we even spent enough time to even talk about our lives.”  

“Forgive me,” his eyes soften and fidgets with his hand, “I just never got to say your name.”

“What?” Valkyrie frowns.

“I’ll see you again, my dear.” Loki smiles warmly and fades off.

Valkyrie blinks. That was the only time the projection got Loki right. A flash of green light shimmers when Loki disappears. _Odd._ That never happened when she would imagine Dalla, either.

Come to think of it, her projections of Dalla were never as vivid.

A faint smile slips. She shouldn’t be amused. But what else could she do?

“Idiot,” Valkyrie mutters to the air. “You could have just told me you came to say goodbye.”

A crackle in the air tingles up Valkyrie’s spine. She can almost hear Loki’s spirit snickering to her.

 _You were the one to assume,_ he would say.

 _You don’t even remember calling my name last night before you fell asleep. Do you?_ He would tease her with that Cheshire cat smile. _  
_

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to say hi to me on [Tumblr!](http://lazy-cat-corner.tumblr.com/) That’s where most of my shenanigans take place.  
> 


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